Types Of Facebook Friends – What Type Are You?
1. The EVERY-Friender: This person will stop at nothing to have the most possible friends. Your ex-wife’s best friend’s dog’s sister? Sure! Add them to the list! There is no friend of a friend of a friend left safe in this scenario; odds are you’ve got 3 or 4 of these in your list. Seriously, it’s not a high-school popularity contest, friend your friends, don’t friend your “kinda-friends”, it’s weird.
2. The Stalker: The only reason this person is on here is to get a chance to see some of your photos or updates. This person can come in many forms, but usually seems to be in the form of an invite to friend them, but with no personal message or anything. This person also may try to sign up under a fictitious name that is very vague to fool you into believing they’re a real person you may know, and not want to upset by not friending.
3. The Promoter: I don’t mind a promotion or 2 from your business to stir up some interest – hey, it’s a good place to promote, but when you post 10 or 15 links to the products your selling per day, you’re not helping anyone, you just spamming them, and I can assure you they don’t like it. I’m thankful for the “hide user” button on the feeds. That way you can ignore them without actually de-friending them.
4. The Prolific Tester: I like a test or 2 to tell me my “5 Favorite Sodas”, or even “Who Would Play Me In a Movie” – but when you’re taking tests that give “Your Most Closely Psychically Related Mazatlan Grass”, we may be going over the edge. My news feed can only handle so many tests before I start to not care about them so much. They need to make a tool in Facebook that can “block lame tests” alongside the “hide users from feed” function.
5. The “Only-Comment-On-The-Hot/Popular-Chicks/Guys-Posts Commenter”: Dude, you’re not going to get laid from these ladies/men. You can comment all you want on their posts, but all you’re doing is annoying them, and probably creeping them out. So if you’re gonna comment on their posts telling them they “look good” or they’re “so funny” – then do it with some discretion, and might I recommend spreading out the love to some other folks as well so it doesn’t look as creepy when your whole wall just says “commented on (insert hot chick/guys name here) post” – That’s scary.
6. The Funny Friend: This one actually can be a good one to have in your repertoire as you’ll get a lot of good “zings” out of this person and you may find yourself laughing at in-opportune times. Their sole purpose on the site is to make others laugh. They do a good job of it. Try to stockpile these people, you can’t have enough of these.
7. The I-Make-A-Fan-Club-For-Everything Poster: It’s cool to promote your site or blog or whatever with a quick one-time shout out to give your site some love, I did it. But when you’re asking every 2 or 3 days for me to become a fan of “toilets” or something, I don’t really want to be a fan anymore. I can only be a fan of so many things, and my fan-inocity is running low. I’d certainly be a fan of “you stop sending me fan-of posts”.
8. The Always-Poster: How can you possibly have enough time in the day to post as much as you do to Facebook? Don’t you have a job? That’s great that you just got a coffee at 9:10am and then are bored at 9:13am, but I thought you’d be happier when you won the lottery at 9:17am, but then it all went downhill when you got your leg run over by a car at 9:23am. Why the eff are you writing Facebook at 9:25am telling us that you’re writhing in pain? Don’t you have writhing to do?!?!? Put the phone down and writhe for a bit. Might do you some good and will allow you to see oncoming traffic better.
9. The New Age Internet Perma-slanger: Srsly, I cnt imgn how u usd 2 cmmt b4. i cn brly undrstnd WTF u r talking bout. LOL iz all i git nemore. This may just be a sign that I’m getting old and starting to rag on the next generation, but still worthy of being noted in the Types of Facebook Friends.
10. The Chronic Sympathizer: I get you, I can side with you on Darfur and Iraq. I don’t like pollution, world hunger, or war, but that’s all you talk about. Weren’t we friends in elementary school? Didn’t you beat me in marbles and then laugh at me about it? Come on, loosen up and talk about something else in your life. You’re kinda being a buzz-kill on the feed.
11. The Awesome Party Poster: Yea, you go to a lot of parties, I get it. But if you have time at each of those to actually take time out of it to post that you’re a a huge party and ripping it up, then my guess is that it isn’t THAT cool of a party if you have time to step out and let people know that you just took a body shot. Trust me, if it were that cool, you wouldn’t feel the need to tell people that aren’t there how cool you are.
