Riding A ButterTub

So today I posted one of my most prized possessions on ebay due to the failing economy.  This device may *look* like the crappy old cradle from the 7290 that came out in like 2003, but you’ll notice the custominosity of it all when you really break it down and start to see the beauty that was hand-crafted into this one of a kind model.

One look at the T.A.P.E.S (Transparent Adhesion Peripheral Extension System) and you’ll know you’re dealing with quality. The T.A.P.E System is a one of a kind state of the art piece of non-mechanical genius thought up and brainchilded by some of the most potent mind(s) in the world (that sit within 7 feet of me at work).

The aerodynamic support structure you see in the front are not diamond studded sticks of gold. No, that would just weigh our product down. The assemblege you see there was chosen out of billions and billions of possible fits to best conform to the sleekness of the device; ultimately settling on 2 pegs from a pretty rad cribbage board. Furthermore, you’re not just buying 2 lame old red pieces, ONE OF THEM IS GREEN! Yes, you heard it right, they’re not both red, or brown, or blue, or fuchsia even!

You want hardware availability you say? You say that this product is nice, but how are you supposed to know that it’ll survive the wear and tear of daily life? Well sure, I understand your stance, but it’s an uber-lame stance, trust me. You want to have a better stance than that. Think about it, you get a highly reliable, redundant, scaleable, green cribbage board reinforced piece at NO EXTRA CHARGE! Can you really deny that? I’d wager that you couldn’t.

Additionally, if you act now, you’ll also get a complimentary BLACKBERRY STICKER seen on the bottom of all their wonderful device cradles, but this one has “seen its days”. You’d think that I’d only keep this cradle facing downwards all the time since I put my blackberry in it, but again, YOU’D BE WRONG! Sometimes I’ll turn this blackberry cradle ON ITS SIDE!!! Why do this you ask? Most of it is just from the fact that I like to live on the edge, and I like to incorporate that into all my product this, “live on the edge” mentality. If I do it, why shouldn’t they? So you *may* notice this blackberry sticker (with original serial-type numbers on it) has been sun kissed a bit due to the fact that it has seen the daylight, unlike all those other blackberry cradles you’ll see out there that ONLY sit *not* ON THE EDGE!!!

But can you afford it you ask? Well, let me ask you this, “Do you like things that are cool?” And if you answer “yes” to that question, the rest falls into place. Being cool in today’s high tech age is easy if you have the right accessories. The iPod? Some new big sunglasses? A new Mercedes Benz? Why not complement how awesome you are with something of this caliber? So think about it and realize that yes, you CAN afford it at ANY cost!

Some say this is “the works of gods” or that this product “has been kissed by angels” or “why would you sell something so stupid” but I don’t want to brag, besides, my mom just likes to boost my self-esteem. You can check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me. I’m happy to give it to you to decide for yourself if you win the auction, I’m sure you’ll agree to one of the above statements. If not, you can totally make your own statement about it, it probably won’t be as good, but you’re welcome to, it’s a free world.

For those PETA fans we have out there, this product was ABSOLUTELY tested on animals before pushing to market. Unfortunately, the animals didn’t know how to use it, but still tested. Porky, my pug, actually came the closest to using it by tasting it, but that’s just because I put a little bacon grease on it. He probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything with it if I hadn’t, but worry not PETA, animals have been taken into consideration.

Finally, you may say, “hey, I don’t even have a blackberry, why’d I read this far? I have an iPhone, or maybe one of those really old brick Nokia phones that came out in like 1997. I should stop reading this now.” BUT WAIT! I can GUARANTEE* you that this cradle will hold ANY phone on the market! So why stop with just thinking it’s for blackberries, you deserve to dare to dream!

* – by “guarantee”, I mean I guarantee that it can probably sit atop or near or within close proximity to the cradle and still look quasi-awesome just by association.