Frolicking 4 Leggers
Frolicking 4 Leggers
Thought up: 5.4.02 – 8:41am
Written: 5.11.02 – 12:13am
#8
Animals sure do love to frolic. It seems that every animal I’ve ever noticed likes to bound about without a care in the world. I guess most of them don’t really have any cares in the world though. Maybe they have to decide to eat this grass or that grass, and sleep on this patch of grass or that one, but that’s about it. I’ve noticed, however, there are a few that obviously don’t enjoy frolicking around.
1.) Cows.
2.) Pigs.
3.) Alligators.
Have you ever seen a cow frolic? Even a little bit? True, you’ve seen the calves romp around here and there – but full-grown cattle? I think not. Never has a pig jumped in the air for joy (except in Charlotte’s Web, but that doesn’t count). And alligators, well, nobody has ever claimed an alligator to be a frolicker. But alligators couldn’t frolic anyway, they have Tyrannosaurus Rex arms and legs, so they’re disabled animals (frolickly challeged is the politically correct term) I’d say. So they don’t count. But I got to thinking why cows and pigs don’t frolic, except when they are younger, and just for a short time. Granted they do get bigger and fatter, but I’m sure there are plenty of fat people that still like to frolic. If I were a larger man, I would frolic to the park, and other such places where frolickers are welcome. But really now, let’s examine this. Why don’t cows and pigs frolic?
Well, in all my research* on this I’ve come up with a few ideas that I’ve narrowed down. Cows and pigs must both have their own language first of all. And, as with any mammal, they have to grow up a little to understand this language. Human babies can’t talk until like 1 or 2 years. I imagine it is the same in the cow and pig world. It’d only seem logical… Anyway, when cows and pigs are born, they jump around here and there, and play with the other animal babies that are around the farm, and they have a good time. But they can’t talk to each other, so they really don’t know what’s going on.
Until one day the calves learn their language, and the piglets theirs. Before you know it, they’re too old for each other, and they just go about their lives, right? I beg to differ! I think that when cattle learn to talk to the other cattle, the older cows start saying to the younger ones, “Quit your damn frolicking! That’s a way to an early death sonny! No cattle farmer wants a skinny cow that frolics all over the place! It’s a waste of his money to keep a skinny cow around, so he’s going to kill you if you keep that crap up! Besides, we’re stuck inside this fence for the most part anyway*, and there is all of this delicious grass everywhere, why waste your time romping and bounding about? We only have 2-4 years at best that we’re going to be on this farm before Farmer Joe hits us in the head with that damn sledgehammer. (I don’t know if they call it a sledgehammer, the cattle term for it might be different like “Moo Mooooooo Moo” loosely translated as “Ouchy Head Smasher”.
Furthermore, I guess that none of these words are the ones that the cattle use either, so maybe using the word sledgehammer is ok, because I don’t speak cow, and I’m sure none of you do either…) So we might as well make the best of it, and eat all his hay and grass and show him who’s the boss, by eating everything he gives us!”
By this time the baby calves realize, “Hey, those older cows must know something, and maybe they do have a point. Maybe I should quit this frolicking.”
At about 5 or 6 months, you don’t see anymore frolicking, just getting fat, and playing right into Farmer Joe’s hand – that crafty Joe. The pigs deal with the situation the same way, but I’m sure it’s in pig language, because who has ever heard of a pig speaking cow language? That’s just preposterous…
* – research not really conducted, but one time I did see a cow.
*- See story Cattle Guard.
