Beer Fixes Everything

This seemed like an appropriate commercial after the news story from the other day.

Nothing Like a Nice Walk In The Woods

So you’re relaxing, having a fine day in the forest. Maybe sittin’ back with a 40 and watching the birds; heck, maybe you’re talking with them, flapping your arms or whatnot when all of a sudden from out of NOWHERE some lady comes over and sits on the log and scares away the birds – can you imagine? Yea, that’d ruin my day too – this picture just goes to show how weird some ladies are… I hear you flannel guy, I hear you.

Mmm…Testicles

If eating testicles isn’t bad enough, these people thnk it’s a good idea to eat poisonous testicles.  Idiots.

Blowfish testicles poison 7 diners in Japan

Unlicensed chef prepared delicacy eaten by thrill-seeking gourmets

TOKYO – Blowfish testicles prepared by an unauthorized chef sickened seven diners in northern Japan and three remained hospitalized Tuesday after eating the poisonous delicacy.

The owner of the restaurant in Tsuruoka city, who is also the chef, had no license to serve blowfish and was being questioned on suspicion of professional negligence, police official Yoshihito Iwase said.

Blowfish, while extremely poisonous if not prepared properly, is considered a delicacy in Japan and is consumed by thrill-seeking gourmets.

Iwase said the seven men ordered sashimi and grilled blowfish testicles at the restaurant Monday night.

Shortly after, they developed limb paralysis and breathing trouble and started to lose consciousness — typical signs of blowfish poisoning — and were rushed to a hospital for treatment, Iwase said.

A 68-year-old diner remained hospitalized in critical condition with respiratory failure and two others, aged 55 and 69, were in serious condition, he said.

“It’s scary. If you go to a decent-looking restaurant that serves fugu, you would assume a cook has a proper fugu license,” Iwase said, using the Japanese term for blowfish.

Blowfish poison, called tetrodotoxin, is nearly 100 times more poisonous than potassium cyanide, according to the Ishikawa Health Service Association. It can cause death within an hour and a half after consumption.

Three people died and 44 others were sickened by blowfish poisoning in 2007 — most of them after catching the fish and cooking it at home — according to the Health Ministry.

Deep Thoughts Thursday #23

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won’t bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

How To Save Someone From Fire…

…and proceed to open a can of whoop-ass culminated by a pile-driver on them.

A Bit About Your Authors (And How We Came To Be)

We’ve had hundreds (if not hundreds of billions) of requests coming in over the past few months curious as to what and who we were. We’ve got such compelling information on the site that people wanted to know who to praise in their nightly prayers. So here’s a bit about us…

We were born as small black children (like Johnson, Navin R.) in remote villages around the world. Through the technology of tin-cans and really long strings we learned to communicate with each other to discuss world issues. Wars, politicians, sports, and cream-sicle flavors soon got to be tiresome for us so we decided to each start HUGE multi-million dollar corporations. The money was good, but it was kinda lame and not very challenging.

So we began laundering money through them to fund our offshore hot-air balloon company that would transport monkeys to their favorite tropical locales.

This endeavor appeared to be our first downfall. We hadn’t used the power of foresight to realize that monkey’s rarely pay up on their debts and this ultimately led us to bankrupt each and every one of us by the age of 3.

Then, in the 1840’s we became cowboys and headed out west to California for the gold rush to remake our fortune. We had a wild invention to get there which we thought would put us on top of the world, but the Porcu-shoe (half porcupine/half shoe) didn’t take off as we’d thought it would and we ended up thumbing it out there, but we made it, so that was braggable.
Yea, that’s me in the middle there – I was packing on some weight after the frost of ’68.

During our stay in California, we agreed it was a good time to start blogging, but ran into issues creating the fiber-runs, data centers, internet, and some other nominal issues which we agreed wasn’t worth looting our gold mine money for. So we figured we’d put that on the back burner (little did we know Al Gore would undermine us later in life, more on this later) until we really started wrap our heads around this “sheep-skin condom” epidemic that was sweeping the western US at the time. We saw big money there.

From this brilliant revelation we started trading all our gold for sheep intestines. I know, smart, right? Yea, that’s what we thought, but as it turns out that was a bad idea since they just invented those crappy “ice block refrigerators” that you had to get new ice for to keep anything cold. Yea, combine that, living in SoCal at the time, and the fact that we spent all our gold money on sheep intestines, and all you’re left with is nasty-rotted-out-maggot-ridden-sheep guts.

So again we were on our own, and we were sent to… [exciting music]

To be continued…

Goat Detained Over Armed Robbery

 

LAGOS (Reuters) – Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

“The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat,” Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

“We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat,” he said.

Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa’s most populous nation. Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

A Coat For 12

It’s for those days when you’re not quite sure if it’s going to rain out, so you don’t want to look overdressed, but also don’t want to come off looking pompous and shallow. This little setup will certainly help those rugby aficionados that don’t really care to get wet during a scrum but want to say, “Hey world, we’re classy, yet daring.”

Link-O-Rama

Mr. Fro’s top 5 links of the week.

5.  I’d like to know, if the bank error was a “gift from God” then who is the prison sentence a gift from?

4.  Check out the third review for this wonderful children’s item, that is pretty darn funny. (H/T to The Dish for the link)

3.  Andy, I have found the perfect job for you.   Applications are due in less than a month, so get that resume ready.

2.  Love this story.  I would say that my wife has the same skills, but I better bite my tongue in-case she were to read this post.

1.  The 1st Annual Buttertub Awards.  Don’t forget to submit your stories.

Beware: Plunger Bug

Actually I think it’s a cross between a crocodile and Princess Leia, and no, I’m not talking about the one that’s lying on the ground with the martian hat on. That one clearly wasn’t harmed by the plunger yet, she must have fallen off the cliff above and landed there and the CrocoLeia is just helping out a stranded martian, clearly.