Has your kids, has your wives… …you can run and tell that, homeboy!
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How a Nigerian Money Scam Turns into a Local Money Scam
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Nintendo, It’s a Breakfast Now
I thought of this today and had to find it. You wouldn’t really think that graphics like that would pass, but really, check Mario out – he wasn’t a stream of slick beauty by any means, but in 1989 Nintendo didn’t know they’d be such a hit maybe. Gotta admit though, I never ate the cereal…
[flv]http://ridingabuttertub.com/uploads/nintendo.flv[/flv]
What is Barbie teaching our kids?
Clearly just how not to write actual letter and just scribble. This was on the back of the Rice Krispies box I saw this morning. Barbie is like perpetually 17 years old, and she doesn’t even know how to write in english… This is a real let down. I thought she was more of a role model without private parts…
Worse Fates
Worse Fates
Thought up: 5.13.02
Written: 7.17.03 – 1:41pm
#12
I can’t think of many worse fates than being a bearded woman in circus that just got fired. That must be a tough break… Guess you could go to another circus and see if they had any job openings… I can imagine a bearded lady’s resume:
Olga Svonaiieka
822 W. Skiakile Road
East Helena, MT 59602
OBJECTIVE:
Elementary school grad looks to enhance her skills in the bearded lady industry. Looking to contribute to a fast-paced well-organized circus.
SKILLS:
Being a lady with a beard. Once ate an entire pig. Knows car parts.
EXPERIENCE:
January 1989-present
Bearded Lady
I started out just being a mustache lady, pretty dark, thought it looked cool. Turned 14 and started getting some cool sideburns. Didn’t want to shave them. Got teased a bit about it, but I liked chicks anyway. By the time I dropped out of school I had a full-fledged beard! Learned the techniques of combing a beard, and freaking out people. Couldn’t work anywhere, they all thought I was a liar. On the application it’d ask, “M/F”… I’d circle the “F” for female, but nobody would believe me, and NOBODY wanted me to prove it to them. I didn’t understand. Found out about the circus needing bearded ladies. Knew this was the job for me. Since then I’ve been really enhancing my skills. I can walk both to the right, and to the left. I can gross out both men AND women with how strange I look.
December 1988 – January 1989
Lemonade Sales
I got into this industry to pay for my Copenhagen addiction. 3 cans a day is my staple. Learned quickly how to sell, and how not to sell. Well, mostly to myself. Didn’t sell to anyone else, but learned how I enjoyed my lemonade in the middle of winter. Needless to say it didn’t pan out. Got out for personal reasons, and because my parents said I couldn’t go outside of my house. They wanted me to sell it outside the neighbor’s house. I obliged. Neighbors kicked my ass and stole my lemonade.
EDUCATION:
Four Georgians Elementary School
1st through 5th grade
September 1976 – June 1985
Toughest nine years of my life. However, learned more than 32 numbers, and all 24 letters in the alphabet. Learned in 4th grade that I can’t eat Miracle Gro and raw hamburger for lunch anymore. Decided on forgoing my final 10 years of school to attempt professional career.
REFERENCES:
Absolutely none.
Nice! It Is Like Ed McMahon Came To My House! OR IS IT!?
Apparently this guy is advertising that I have been given a new mine! Unfortunately it appears as though “your mine” contains some sort of demon in it. I mean, yea, I can see the benefits – you can hide tools or toys or whatever in it that you don’t want people getting in on because hey, nobody wants to battle a demon for what is likely just some crappy Playstation game you’re likely hiding.
FURTHERMORE, I wouldn’t want to inhale anything that could cause me to die prematurely. Mine’s can oftentimes have quartz dust and the likes that can cause pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis; nobody wants that and it is just a waste of time. I guess I’d turn down his offer of “Your Mine”, but thank you for the offer.
A Man Angry With Rap
I don’t mind rap music, but this guy certainly does.
My Wife May Be Cheating On Me. What Do I Do?
I’ve never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Season’s Greetings! It’s gotta be winter somewhere…
It’s always nice to be abominable in times like th… WTF MONKEY! Hey Jim, come over and get this damned monkey off my back!
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